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September 25 fastive always been an advocate for remaining young. but i've noticed that time is something that slips past neither announcing itself or waving goodbye. i am not old. not close. but as more of my forehead greets me each morning in the mirror than last year, i am sobered by things i haven't done. the nice things in my life here are too seductive. they ease you into a giant beanbag. now getting things done would be easier if someone would lift us out, but we are all dozing in such comfort that procrastination becomes a right. what i'm saying is that i remember days when i was very active, organising stuff, going out, meeting people, contributing to society. now, i dont. and i havent for a long time and speaking of long i have a list of excuses as to why not. do you know what i mean? September 17 yoursi have learnt something recently that delivered both sadness and relief. i discovered that ben is not mine. i was beginning to have my doubts earlier this year but was too proud to admit it but over our july holiday in new zealand i had the news confirmed. i couldn't believe it at first and it provoked a burst of feeling that i thought left me years ago. the more i hold him the happier i am that he is not mine. watching his grandparents hold a gaze with him and his uncles and aunts enjoy this small person on their laps left me with no doubt that ben belongs to so many of us. leaving wellington airport five weeks ago was dreadful. the wrench inside was there when i left delhi airport for london several years ago. i hated it. after 8 months in and around india i had no desire whatsoever to leave. seeing our families delight in ben week after week touched me tenderly. for the first time i seriously questioned why i wasnt living in new zealand. the answer in its deepest form eludes me like good fish and chips does the south of england. then in hong kong it happened again. people all over took delight in ben and rightly so. he belonged to them for a few seconds so why shouldnt they smile, point, touch or air kiss him? cleaners, security guards, businessmen, shop staff, the lady at customs. and on our return here he connects with so many just by opening his eyes, smiling and effortlessly reaching inside us and remaining. ben is amazing and hes yours. September 16 arnicaim really enjoying my skateboard. somehow i've managed to run it into the ground prematurely, but it still jumps when i smack the tail and spins when i flick it. there are a growing number of places to hurt myself around here. not because the number of places is growing but because i am noticing them more. like the other day as i came home from tutoring two terrific boys whom I have been working with for over a year, i drove through our gates and saw none other than my friend mustaq. he was sitting outside his house near the entrance to the gym. as if inspired he had taken two seats outside, despite only having one bottom himself. i parked the car, skittered inside and greeted everyone. having scooped up ben, we both went back across the yard and met mustaq. hes a great one for a chinwag. while chatting with the primary ict teacher, i realised that not only am i excellent at hijacking a perfectly good conversation by talking about myself, but that the entrace to the gym is preceeded by several glorious steps and a sufficent acid drop with a wooden pole in the middle. barring the pole, this was a delicious find. oh, and the lack of enough space to get sufficent speed. today, without sufficent speed i managed to get from the top of the stairs to the bottom without touching them and worked out that with bigger stones id be able to complete a board slide down them and a few different grinds. who wouldn't with rounded marble edges calling out. i only need more speed. this can be obtained to some degree by opening the doors to the gym and starting inside. i will try this tomorrow or the next day as time allows. besides this ramadan is just a week away as is next weekend. |
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